Local man stops robbery by quoting lines from Pulp Fiction


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Local Man Is a Hero Thanks to His Knowledge Of Pulp Fiction

The Associated Press
Posted:   03/23/2012 07:00:52 AM PDT
Paul Horner
Paul Horner: Hero
Jonestown, AZ.— A local man is a hero today after he single-handedly stopped a couple who were attempting to rob a coffee shop. His quick thinking saved the day according to restaurant manager Ted Barkins. "He just started quoting movie lines from Pulp Fiction. The robbers kind of went berserk and then they just left." Local hero, Paul Horner, who thwarted the would-be robbers said, "It was really lucky that I had my wallet with me that said 'bad motherf*cker' on it. The robbers came around demanding everybody's wallet and I just held it up, you know like how Samuel L. Jackson did in Pulp Fiction."

Longtime diner Susan Litchfield said it was a pretty tense moment. "The robbers asked Mr. Horner what was in his hand. He told them it was his wallet that said 'bad motherf*cker' on it. I've never seen the movie so I didn't know what he was talking about. I just thought he was some crazy white guy with a death wish."

"After I said the comment about my wallet the robbers started freaking out. So then in my best tough black guy voice I said to them: Normally, both your asses would be de*d as f*cking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this sh*t while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kil you, I wanna help you," Horner said. "Then the robbers looked at each other and then just ran out of the restaurant. I knew my vast knowledge of Pulp Fiction would pay off for me one day."
Barkins said he was a little concerned about the health of Mr. Horner after the robbers had left and everyone at the restaurant was waiting around for police to arrive. "It seemed like Mr. Horner's brain had temporarily snapped. I told him that I think the cops are on their way and he said, 'I don't wanna hear about no motherf*ckin' ifs. All I wanna hear from your ass is, you ain't got no problem, Paul. I'm on the motherf*cker. Go back in there, chill them n*ggers out and wait for the cavalry which should be coming directly'. Then he started asking me questions about our food menu. He asked me about our hamburgers and if I knew what they called a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France? It was really weird, but hey, he's a hero I guess."

Officer Miller from the Jonestown Police Department said, "In every other parallel universe this man would be shot and kiled but not here in Jonestown. It's fortunate that this small town has a person like Mr. Horner living in it. If he hadn't have had so much free time on his hands he never would have been able to quote so many lines from Pulp Fiction. Down time is the real hero here today."

The robbers are described as a white male and female aged 35-45. Any information please contact the Jonestown Police Department.



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Local Man Is Hero Thanks to His Knowledge Of Pulp Fiction

Saving the day by quoting movie lines from Pulp Fiction.

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