My wife cheated on me... but she couldn't cheat death. The last words on her death bed, "I want to be honest with you. I'm sorry I cheated on you with your brother". "I know" I said, "That's why I poisoned you, now close your eyes". I think my last words would be, "Delete my browser history".
We hired a babysitter the other night. When she arrived at the house, we told her that our children were already upstairs asleep. Since we don't actually have any kids, you can imagine her reaction when we came home hysterical that our children were missing. You should have seen her face when we got on the phone with police. Boy was she scared! Well regardless, after everything got cleared up, we asked her to come over and babysit again... she regretfully declined. Well at least I have my Scarlett Johansson leaked naked pictures.God is definitely not a female, otherwise we would all be made of sandwiches. Also make sure to check back here often as IYWIB is updated daily with fun and original content. Take care friend!
Don't be racist. Be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English and looks like a Mexican. Mario runs like a Jamaican, jumps like a black man, eats psychedelics like Native Americans and grabs coins like a Jew.